I often ask myself--what differentiates human beings from the animals? Is it our ability to reason? Our opposable thumbs? Our advances in art and technology?
Hell no. It's our ability to spice up our lovemaking with more positions than just "doggie style."
Look at all these sad quadrapeds . . . just humping away for millions of years in JUST ONE POSITION. The thought alone makes me want to end my own life.
I mean, it's totally effective right? If your goal is simply to reproduce like our four-legged friends here, then that's fine. But think about the monotony. It's so sad, because even if they wanted to they couldn't do it. For example, if an elephant ever wanted to get a little freaky and get on top, it would literally destroy its partner. Now that's fucked up.
So yes folks, be thankful that you walk on two legs instead of four. And the next time you want to try something new with your partner, say a silent prayer for the animals out there that have been damned to an eternity of boring sex.
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