Grand Theft Autonomy

There's only one thing in the entire world that I hate more than AIDS and cancer. It's all around us and we see it everyday. No one is safe, really. It can happen to your best friend, your brother, your sister, your primo, prima and abuelita . . . . and it can even happen to YOU. I'm of course talking about pandemic of losing yourself completely when in a relationship that's spreading like a proverbial wildfire.

No doctor of medicine or expert of psychological pseudo-sciences can explain it. How does a grown man, with a fully-functioning pair of testicles instantly lose them when he meets a girl? Where do they go!? Jesus Christ . . . you'd have a better chance of finding Amelia Earhart and Jimmy Hoffa on the same day than you would your friend's manhood.

And before the ugly finger of misogyny gets pointed in this direction, it must be said that it goes both ways. All too often smart, fun-loving, and ambitious women are mercilessly molded into boring, reclusive, non-text-message-answering dopplegangers of their former selves.

Is it really worth it to lose yourself? The only thing we are born with, that is ours eternally and unquestionably is our-motherfucking-selves. Why would anyone willingly give that away? Perhaps its a combination of things . . . like loneliness, low self esteem, and the temptation of the all powerful FUCK--dangled over their heads by a string like a carrot leading a donkey.

Whatever the case may be, it saddens me greatly. Every time I witness a case of grand theft autonomy, a little piece of me dies inside. Each and every person can give their friends, loved ones, strangers, and lovers SO MUCH if they could simply be themselves.

I leave you all with lyrics from the ever-wise REO Speedwagon and their 1987 hit That Ain't Love. It's an inspirational "fuck you! i'm better off without you" ballad in the tradition of I Will Survive. Here goes:

You tell me what you think Im feelin', you know why I do what I do
Why should you listen to a word I'm sayin', when it's already so clear to you
You tell me 'bout my bad intentions, you doubt the very things I hold true
I can no longer live with your misconceptions, baby all I can say to you, is

That ain't love, I believe you've got the wrong emotion
That ain't love, at least it doesn't feel like love to me
As long as I say what you wanna hear
Do what you wanna do, be who you want me to be
You think that's love, well baby that ain't love to me