Mike Myers? FTW!

All over the country today, Mike Myers' latest exercise in unfunny self-indulgence thinly disguised as a film opens in theaters. Unless you live your life like the uni-bomber, you've no doubt been bombarded with the cram-it-down-your-throat advertising campaign that has managed to plaster Myers' stupid face on everything from billboards to postage stamps. I don't know about you guys, but I hope that The Love Guru ends up being the Waterloo of Mike Myers movies; once and for all putting an end to a career consisting of 15 years of recycled gags.

"Hey, look! He put his pinkie up again! Whatta gas!"

In the post-Wayne's World-era of Myers' career, he's made one film that has been the embodiment of every fucking thing he has ever done since. That film is, of course, So I Married an Axe Murderer. Within the 90-or-so-minutes of Axe Murderer, you'll see the makings of every character that has managed to make Mike Myers a billionaire and a household name in the subsequent years. Here's just one example, presented in easy to understand visual format:

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The angry Scottish man voice is so funny! Seriously, though . . . three fucking characters? Has anyone noticed this? Does anyone even care?! I think it's a travesty that Myers is literally wallowing in money, when his old comedic partner and the real reason behind the hilarity of Wayne's World, Dana Carvey, can't get a fucking break. But I digress . . .

As I said before, this is only one example. The gamut of Austin Powers characters make an appearance in way or in another in So I Married an Axe Murderer. The only thing that is really missing from Myers' comedic arsenal is the presence of Vern Troyer. Although I'm sure if Myers had discovered the little guy with no self-respect way back then, you best believe he would've found a way to shoehorn his tiny ass into the script.

"I'm funny because I'm short!"

I suggest we all make a pact to not go see The Love Guru this weekend. Doing so will only result in more movies featuring all three of his impressions, Vern Troyer being short jokes, cameos by flavor-of-the-month celebrities, and nauseatingly persistent ad campaigns.