Finality times twelve

I'm not tired at all. I should be, because I "worked" today; there's a possibility that I'll do it again tomorrow. But tired? Nah . . . sleep is for n00bZ.

Earlier today, I spoke to my friend about the inevitable redundancy of life. Even though I know it's unavoidable, it still bothers me. It seems as though that life is made up of a number of constants that can be marginally effected by a few variables. The constants are, of course, the aspects of life that make us fit into society: waking up in the morning, working, paying bills, etc. The variables are the distractions. Leisure. Activities, relationships, and states of being, that when added, subtracted, multiplied or divided by the constants help to make things interesting.

The beauty of it is, we can choose whether we focus our attention and efforts on the constants or the variables. I have friends that are perfectly content to follow the routine, pay their taxes, and exist as productive citizens. By that same token, there's the floaty vagabonds that don't have any idea what the fuck is going on, and love it that way. Neither way is wrong, it's just a choice that people tend to make when they "grow up."

My problem is that I cannot decide which category I fall into. I suppose at 25, I'm about as grown up as I am going to get . . . Yet I still exist in this quasi-adolescent, hedonistic fantasy land--where I want to be taken seriously as an adult, but sure as fuck don't act like one.

I've adopted several "philosophies" over the years, all of which ultimately contradicted each other to the point of death. There was no overlap, here. These ideas were mostly the results of external variable factors, such as the girl I was dating, or the group of friends I was hanging out with, or whatever. I'm not especially susceptible to group-think, but I had my moments of weakness.

The question is, can there really be a balance? I'm pretty sure that these constants and variables form a system, and not an equation. Those may claim to have balance in their lives, but they're always leaning more in one direction than the other.

WHO KNOWS!?

I don't think I ever will. I do know, however, that it's really fucking easy to stray from your intended topic of discussion when the hour is late and your mind begins to wander. I suppose I'll write about Final Fantasy XII some other time.

It's bedtime for Bonzo.