Michael Phelps won a whole bunch of medals the other day. How many, you ask? I dunno, I lost count somewhere around 27.
The Olympics are
back--and yes, those italics are necessary. From the opening ceremonies, which were something out of the future, to Phelps's ridiculous medal hording, it seems as though these games won't go down as a snoozer . . . Which is good, because NBC spent
good money on this shit!
The "modern" games have really become quite the spectacle. And by "modern," of course I mean the 1896 revival of the ancient naked Greek competitions. Apparently, the world got tired of economic and military pissing contests, and decided to compete for athletic superiority.
It's funny how we all care so much about these esoteric athletics for two weeks, and then completely forget their existence once the torch is extinguished. Is that an American thing or a global thing? Perhaps the rest of the world still continues to support water polo and competitive weight lifting by selling-out arenas and televising meets.
Then there's the athletes themselves, who dedicate their lives to sports that only a handful of people give a damn about, to which there is no money to be made, and for what? A medal? Their photo on a Wheaties box? An appearance on Letterman? I feel kinda sorry for these guys, especially when I see Home Depot commercials proudly proclaiming that they employ more Olympic hopefuls than any other company . . . OK, Mrs. Olympic Sabre Gold Medalist, after your 15 minutes are over, you'll be stocking shelves in the garden section of Home Depot. SAD.
Fake sports and Home Depot employees aside, I really do love watching the games. I watch it for hours, and when I'm not home to watch, I have the DVR set to record it. It's like I'm in a trance, hypnotized by voice of Bob Costas, unable to change the channel.
The only thing that detracts from the experience is the fact that it's on network TV. I've become a bit of a television snob, relegating my viewing to primarily HBO original series. So, to see NBC hawk such GOD AWFUL shit in between each event makes me want to throw up. So far, the NBC fall lineup is as follows:
The Christian Slater Double-Agent Show--The former teen idol and Jack Nicholson wannabe brings his widow's peak to prime time! He's a normal guy--oh, wait--he's holding an AK-47! I smell an Emmy.
ER, The Final Season (For reals this time!)--The Michael Crichton-produced medical drama that's been on the air longer than Saturday Night Live has come to an end. In order to generate interest in this shark-jumping turd, Hollywood has-beens John Stamos and Angela Bassett join the cast! How very exciting.
Crusoe--The extremely boring 18th century Defoe novel gets strung out into a series that promises to be just like LOST, only with less smoke monsters and more cannibals.
Alright, time to go. I've got a U.S. men's synchronized swimming team to root for.
